Harry Potter

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to... me...

Left this behind. Now that I've opened it, I can't think of anything to say.

Private to Hermione/Ron/Ginny

Hermione, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can come live with you, after all. Let me know if you need money - I've got more than I know what to do with, and I did say I would help. I think it's best for all concerned if I stay where I am, at least for now. Also, I don't appreciate you telling Ginny things that I'm supposed to 'know' about already when you haven't said a word to me.

I know you lot are probably wondering where I've gone (again), but the truth is, I've been studying (all right, Hermione?). It really doesn't help that I missed the last week or so of classes and don't really remember any of the month or so before that, but I think I'll be okay.

Moody's taking me to Australia on Saturday, for the two weeks of exams. Wish me luck?

Well, here I am, for one night, anyway. Own bed, clean clothes. Food. If you don't eat properly for over a month, the leaving feast isn't really the best way to get started again, but I don't care. It's worth the stomach pain.

Enjoying that, Malfoy?

Taking NEWTs in July. In Germany, or somewhere. Professor McGonagall seemed pretty adamant about the whole thing, so I suppose I'd better, even if I'm technically a non-graduate ex-Hogwarts student and don't really have to listen.

Private

Had totally weird encounter with Malfoy this week. Weird in the highly disturbing sense. As usual, though, I guess he's just blowing off steam by trying to get me riled up and suspicious. Too bad I don't have the time or energy for that stuff anymore.

It's like I've aged bloody eighty years. I can't breathe or see properly half the time and when I can I feel like I'm half-asleep. I hurt everywhere. I think I passed out at dinner, but no one noticed because I was all over the place anyway.

I will not moan like an old woman. Nonononono.

/Private

Big game coming up means lots of practice. The team is on the field a good deal of the time, and we're doing well. Ron came up with some really interesting new plays which have not been written down for security reasons and we're preparing for what is for three of us the last Hogwarts game ever.

NEWTs are HOMICIDAL.

How long till the holidays? Somone?

{Private}

I've seriously fucked up now. I don't know how to fix anything.

{/Private}

I should have known seventh year wouldn't be a simple case of doing NEWTs and getting the hell out.

In a vain attempt to soothe the rumour mill, I did not snog Malfoy (yuck) and I feel sorry for whoever did. My advice to said mystery boy is to run away and don't come back, or to simply give up because among other things, he's engaged, and I know what he does to people he supposedly likes that way. Don't go there.

To people who sneak around me in the library: don't think I can't see you. If you walk past me in plain sight I will not, contrary to apparently popular belief, jump out of my seat and curse you with unspeakable torments. And if I do, well, I can probably afford to be sued. So show yourselves, or I'll come after you to curse you with unspeakable torments. Or I would if I knew any.

To my friends... well, I'm sorry I'm not around much. To be honest I think it's best if I stay away from you for the most part, for reasons I'm sure you're aware of. I'm not fretting over you-know-what, because I went through every possible book on the subject and submitted my research to Dumbledore, who's going to do whatever he sees fit to get rid of the you-know-what, but not by himself because I was very firm on the subject. Nice to know he might actually have listened to me, for once. We have good leads on two other you-know-whats, also.

{Private}

Oh God. I didn't mean for this to happen. I just didn't want them to worry, none of them, but it was all just too much suddenly, just everything, and now it's a great ugly blur. I shouted at her, I remember shouting, but not what, or why, and then... blank. I guess I passed out. I didn't try and hit her, did I? Oh God, tell me I didn't touch her. I'm too afraid to ask her. she keeps looking at me like I might spontaneously combust.

I don't know how to deal with this. This time I guess I really am a headcase - if I told Pomfrey or Remus or Dumbledore (and I want to, god I want to) they'd cart me off to St. Mungo's.

I miss Sirius. And Neville, Merlin, I miss Neville. I never thought about it while he was here, but he was like this constant. That was always there. And now he's not, and it's been four months and it still hurts.

I don't know why I'm writing all this. I'm weak and pathetic and I've never felt this much of a waste of space. I guess it comes from hiding behind my curtains all evening. I even did all my homework to distract me. Didn't work.

{/Private}

Anyone know where I can get a timeturner?

Never mind.

{Private}

If this is a stomach bug, it is the king of all stomach bugs. That's the second time I've thrown up today. Maybe I should go to the hospital wing. Mmmnnhh.

{/Private}

Ron, if I don't come to class today, I've gone to see Madam Pomfrey. Nothing's wrong, just feeling a bit queasy.

WHO: Harry and Ginny
WHERE: The library
WHAT: Studying. Really!
WHY: Well, some of us DO have exams coming up, you know.


Harry was quite literally an eighth of the way through his Transfiguration notes, and was staring folornly at the considerable pile still spread out before him. "This sucks," he muttered, poking at the parchment with his wand and considering a nice quick Evanesco charm.

{Private to Ron, Hermione and Ginny}

You guys will never believe what I just found during the last step of cleaning out the attic (Hell II). NEVER.

{Private to Professor Dumbledore}

Sir, I have to speak to you. Here.

You know, cleaning out the attic seemed like such a good idea at first. You should see the size of it. Plus, all the rubbish that we put up here last year has just been shoved into a corner. Homework is starting to look like fun.

Remus, if you start hearing thumping noises on the ceiling, we don't have a ghoul, I'm just trying to tell you that I'm stuck up here. Don't worry!

Crap crap crap

The train leaves this morning and I haven't even packed. I'm so used to hanging around here on the holidays like a lump.

Damnit.

Private to Ron and Hermione

Have you noticed something going on with the Slytherins? I haven't seen Malfoy in days - when he didn't show up for the match I figured he was sick, or something, but the rest of them are acting even shiftier than usual. Think there might be something to it?

/Private

Private to Ginny

Gin, there's this space on the sofa up here next to me with your name on it. I miss you.

/Private

DADA Project = nearly finished. Other homework = piling up. Luckily I think I can leave most of it until the holidays. Speaking of, Professor Lupin, could I come and see you within the next day or so, maybe?

Private

Must... sleep... sometime...

Well done, team. Remember, we finished with a high score, so the cup is still way within reach. Andrew, you and I need to have a serious talk about aim.

Practice on Sunday, no forgetting, please.

More homework, hooray!

That was sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell. Susan, when d'you want to start this?

I got a property statement about Siriu my house today. This was suprising for several reasons. One, I forgot I even had a house. Two, I didn't know what a property statement was or that there were wizarding companies to distribute such things (I'm guessing it's wizarding, since it came by owl post). Three, I was under the impression that my actual ownership of the house was rather sub-legal, and done on the premise of magic rather than paperwork. Four, no one's mean tto know where it is, and these propety people certainly don't, which I can prove by the simple fact that there's no address anywhere on the letter. Anyway, it arrived nonetheless.

Most of it seems to be about money. According to the thing, the house itself isn't worth anything at all (what a suprise) but a "high proportion of the wizarding community" (bigoted pureblood snobs, probably) would consider it invaluable, and I could sell it for a tidy profit if I were to "restore the original decor". There's bugger all chance of me doing anything of the sort, of course, but it is a bit of a hole. The easiest thing (and kindest to humanity) to do would be to knock it the hell down when all this is over but Remus lives there, so that wouldn't be very hospitable.

What do you think, Professor? Bell, book and candle job followed by a full refurbishing and a bigger kitchen, maybe? Uh. I suppose I'll be spending most of my Christmas holiday there, as well. Lovely.

In other news, I might have caught something from flying around in the pouring rain, earlier, but that could just be the frequent bouts of insomnia recent homework stress creeping up on me. Either way, whatever happened to the weekends? It's so unfair I have to catch cold on a Monday...

I can't believe it's been a week and a half since the ball. Either I've been having a jolly good time since, or there's been too much homework to worry about what day it is. I'm inclined to think it's the second one.

{Private}

Which means hardly any time spent with Ginny, once again. I was barely around even to try and deflect the stares at the bandanna she had to wear for days. If it had happened to Parvati or Lavender it probably would have started a trend. The whole thing was an utter mess.

All right, it still bothers me a bit. What guy wouldn't be bothered by the fact that his girlfriend has four other guys, once of whom is a world famous Quidditch star, another, the biggest ladies-man in school, to compare him with? Okay, sometimes it bugs me. I'm shallow.

Ron, at least, doesn't seem to be having too many problems with his relationship. You'd think Hermione would be in the Common Room or the Library all the time, with the work overload that comes with the final year of NEWTs, but I'm in both those places every day and she and Ron are rather conspicuously elsewhere.

There's a weird kind of imbalance that comes with your two best friends being in a relationship. You get torn between a) being happy for them, b) wanting to protect them from each other and c) griping over the fact that they no longer have time for you anymore. I'll have to settle for a healthy dose of all three, I guess.

{/Private}

I have to try very hard to avoid looking at, being alone with or coming within more than ten yards of certain people, unless I am overcome by the urge to hex and/or punch certain people in the face. Certain people definitely deserve said punishment, but I've had my serving of detention with said certain people for this year, thanks.

Nice try, Malfoy. You can't go two days without getting a dig in, can you?

I finished my costume. Better really late than never, right?

I transfigured most of it - I love magic. It might not be able to solve all your problems but it does make certain domestic problems a lot easier.

Also as of Halloween - NO MORE DETENTION. At last. I have freedom. But if anyone makes any snobbish comments about my having learned my lesson, you can rethink them. Just thought I'd head that off before it began.